To know more about why we struggle and thrive, we need look no further than our family of origin for answers. As young children we begin to understand that belonging in our family system is the only way we can survive.

Some of us are born into families that are supportive and meet our needs, which often leads to a more secure attachment style. Some of us are born into families that don’t create a feeling of belonging, safety, care, acceptance or love. We may have experienced abuse mentally, spiritually, physically or sexually, witnessed violence and/or addiction, experienced neglect or abandonment, had a parent(s) that was codependent with us, were forced into the role of parenting our siblings or our parent(s), or may have repeatedly had our emotions and expression dismissed or refuted in favor of our parent(s) comfort or reputation.

When the legacies of our ancestors and family of origin are brought into conscious awareness we can create a bridge to the future where new choices can be made that often impact not only our personal life and relationships, but also our family of the past, present and future.

By looking at the larger systems that we have originated from, we may see unconscious patterns, attachment styles, trauma reactions, or behaviors similar to our families that we may try to repress. We may be carrying family legacies that we are unaware of, or cultural messaging passed through our ancestral line that doesn’t make sense in our lives today.

Family systems therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps individuals find resolution with issues they continue to harbor from their family system. We will look at patterns in our ancestral line, cultural impacts of oppression (ie. sexism, racism, genderism, homophobia, ageism, classism, bodyism and acculturation), addiction, abuse, impacts of trauma and war and roles in the family system that we had to fill to maintain homeostasis.

I am a licensed couples and family counselor, and the core of my education at Antioch University in Seattle is in family systems theory. Using this framework is depathologizing, and recognizes the essential truth that we exist in relationship to one another. One human’s struggle isn’t a fault in the individual, but rather a product of systemic influence as well as varying levels of awareness of these influences. Through compassion and awareness the legacy parts that you carry from your family of origin can be integrated better into your psyche, contributing to less suffering and more peace.