How Do You Stand in Relation to These Many Realms? Somatic Therapy and Parts Work
At their core, both Hakomi and Internal Family Systems (IFS) ask a similar question: What happens when we turn toward ourselves with curiosity instead of judgment?
The practice of deep self-knowing is often a question of relationship: how we relate to our bodies, our emotions, our histories, and the protective patterns we carry. Healing is not always about fixing ourselves, but about changing the way we meet our inner world.
This inquiry is woven into the very name of Hakomi Somatic Psychotherapy, a word that came to its founder, Ron Kurtz, in a dream. Later, the word came to be associated with a Hopi teaching often interpreted as asking: “How do you stand in relation to these many realms?” This same spirit of inquiry lives within a kindred modality, Internal Family Systems, created by Richard C. Schwartz. These two pioneers were dear friends who developed their respective frameworks during the same era, sharing a non-pathologizing philosophy that respects the psyche’s innate intelligence and moves at the pace of the individual nervous system.
The Internal Compass: IFS and the Core Self
IFS operates on the principle that the psyche is naturally multiple. We are not just one fixed identity, but a living system made up of many inner experiences, emotions, and protective responses organized around an always-present core Self. This Self is characterized by qualities such as calm, clarity, compassion, and curiosity—a steady inner presence that remains even when our internal “weather” becomes turbulent.
Within this system, different parts emerge to help us navigate life, each taking on specific roles:
Managers
The proactive organizers who strive to maintain control, manage how we are perceived, and keep daily life functioning smoothly.
Firefighters
The reactive responders who attempt to extinguish sudden waves of emotional pain through impulsive, numbing, distracting, or protective behaviors.
Exiles
Younger, more vulnerable parts carrying unresolved pain, fear, grief, shame, or unmet needs. Managers and Firefighters work tirelessly to keep these parts protected from overwhelm.
Both Hakomi and IFS assume that our defenses are intelligent adaptations, not obstacles to eradicate. The goal is not to wage war against ourselves, but to build a compassionate relationship with the strategies that once helped us survive.
The Somatic Experiment: Moving Through Honey
While IFS often uses dialogue to build relationships with different parts of the psyche, Hakomi uses the body as the primary witness. This mindfulness-based somatic psychotherapy gently bypasses habitual cognitive patterns and invites us into the direct experience of the present moment.
In a session, if a hand begins to clench or a shoulder subtly rises, we might slow down and become curious about that experience together. I may invite you to lean into the tension just slightly more, or ask: “What happens if we slow that movement down, almost as if you were moving through honey?”
By slowing the action, we create space for the thoughts, emotions, sensations, memories, or imagery beneath the surface to emerge into awareness. This gentle deceleration often reveals what Hakomi calls “missing experiences” — fundamental needs for safety, attunement, protection, support, or being deeply seen that the nervous system may still be waiting to receive.
Rather than forcing catharsis or pushing through defenses, the process invites a deeper listening. We do not “break through” resistance; we befriend it.
Beyond the Individual: Relational Healing and Integration
While these modalities offer profound maps of our internal world, they also recognize that healing does not happen in isolation. Transformation unfolds within the safety of an attuned relationship. Change occurs not through force or self-improvement alone, but through compassionate witnessing, mindful awareness, and repeated experiences of safety and connection.
This is one reason these modalities can be especially supportive for psychedelic integration work.
Psychedelic experiences can temporarily soften protective defenses or bring vulnerable material closer to the surface. At times, people may experience moments of profound connection to Self, insight, grief, awe, fear, or interconnectedness that can feel difficult to organize once ordinary consciousness returns.
IFS offers a compassionate framework for understanding the different inner experiences that may emerge during these journeys, while Hakomi helps those insights become integrated within the nervous system and lived experience of the body.
Over time, this work can create greater flexibility within the system. Parts no longer have to carry their burdens alone. The body no longer has to remain locked in old patterns of protection. And beneath the noise of survival strategies, many people begin reconnecting to a deeper sense of aliveness, presence, and inner coherence.
If you are ready to explore how you stand in relation to your own inner world, this integrated approach offers a grounded and compassionate path toward greater connection, awareness, and lasting transformation.
